Why Count Dracula read the Mirror?
– He heard it had great circulation.
How many Vampires does it take to change a light bulb?
– Zero none of them needs it.
What does a vampire girl do when she gets lost in the desert?
– waits for her period.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
– A vampire only sucks blood at night.
What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day ?
– A coffin break !
What’s a vampire’s favourite cocktail ?
– A bloody mary !
What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone ?
– A fangster !
What did the vampire say to the wolfman ?
– You look like your going to the dogs !
What is the American national day for vampires ?
– Fangsgiving day !
If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
– Join his fang club !
Why do vampires like school dinners?
– Because they know they won’t get stake !
Why do vampires hate arguments ?
– Because they make themselves cross !
Why doesn’t anybody like Dracula?
– He has a bat temper.
Why did Dracula drive on the motorway?
– Someone told him it was a main artery!
Mummy, mummy…what’s a human?
– Be quiet and drink your blood before it clots.
Why did Dracula telephone the undertaker?
– To ask for a take-away meal
Why was Dracula so unlucky in love?
– He always loved in vein
How would a vampire manage with only one fang?
– He’d just have to grin and bare it
How did Dracula fall in love with his wife?
– It was love at first bite
Why are vampires easily fooled?
– Because they are born suckers
Why has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
What does a vampire fear most?
– Tooth decay
Where did the vampire open his savings account?
– At a blood bank
What is the highest building in Transylvania?
– The Vampire State Building.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
– She bats her eyes.
What is worst than a hungry vampire?
– A thirsty vampire.
What was the Californian vampire hippy like ?
– He was ghoul man, real ghoul !
Why is a vampire a good person to take out for meals?
– Because he eats necks to nothing
What do you call a vampire duck?
– Count Duckula
Where does Dracula get all his jokes?
– From a crypt writer
Why is Dracula’s family crazy?
– They’re all bats
What’s a Vampire’s least favorite song?
– Another one bites the dust!
There were these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a vampires bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood and vodka.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood and vodka. The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The second vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a shot of blood and vodka.” The bartender gives him the shot of blood and vodka. The vampire drinks it, and leaves. The third vampire walks into the bar and says, “Bartender, give me a mug of hot water.” The bartender gives him a surprised look, “Why do you want a mug of hot water?” The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, “It’s tea time.”